Smells Like Teen Spirit
by Emmett-Cullen's-Biggest-Fan
Summary: Jared and Kim have known each other since birth. Best friends as children Jared abandons Kim when he becomes popular and Kim starts an all girl garage band. When Jared returns after phasing and imprints on Kim can he prove to her that he has changed?
1. Prologue

This is a new story that I have had stuck in my head for a while. I hope you enjoy!

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...but I do own a bread maker I have only used twice...sad really.

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><p>"<em>Please <em>Kim I am sorry! More sorry than you can ever know! Please Lee. Just talk to me. "

I was speechless and a little pissed. He hasn't called me Lee in three years. He couldn't say Kimberly when he was little so he just called me Lee and it stuck. Hearing him say it hurts more than I can bear because he was the only one who ever called me that. His use of my favorite nickname after a three year hiatus was like a knife to the heart.

There were no words for how I felt at this moment. I was barely keeping it together at this point and I'll be damned if he saw me cry after years of pretending like he didn't know me. I shook my head to clear the moisture from my eyes and I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but standing on the rocky beach of La Push staring at the one person who I should have been at ease with. Instead he made my stomach hurt and my heart shatter. I wanted to run back down the private road to my house but my feet were frozen in their place. Damn you traitor feet!

Jared was the only one who knew why I was here today, and his sudden appearance into my private moment of grief was unexpected and unwelcome. He had promised to always protect me when we were little, and to trust that he would always be my best friend. But he had broken those promises and so many more in the last three years; I had given up counting on him. He was the only person I had let in; and now he was the reason for my lack of trust and faith in humanity.

I was staring into his eyes trying to figure out why he was pleading with me to talk to him. Why was today any different? He had been successfully ignoring me since about 8th grade when he realized that playing guitar with his childhood best friend was lame compared to football and cheerleaders with short skirts.

His abandoning of me and our friendship wasn't an overnight thing; it was gradual. He made up excuses and rescheduled time with me so much that I finally gave up trying. My Gibson and my notebook became my best friend. I became invisible to everyone in our grade. It was like I disappeared the day Jared stopped being my friend. The only friends I had were two sisters who moved to La Push during our sophomore year from New York. Mia played classical bass and her twin sister Tia, who played the drums better than Tommy Lee, talked her into joining us and forming a band. She was skeptical about playing bass but she is a natural. I talked Jared's little sister Heidi into playing keyboard; and Pixie Dust was born. We were a sort of rock/pop/country/indie band. We sang how and what we felt, no genre needed.

These girls were my friends but I couldn't open up to them; Jared had broken me too much. Behind the Def Leppard t-shirts and skinny jeans I was still, quiet Kim. I liked to read entirely too much and I was either watching the BBC or a news channel. I missed Jared everyday so bad it hurt; but I realized the summer before freshman year that the two little kids who strung a couple of green bean cans between their windows just so they could talk at night, were gone. Puberty had killed us.

His dark chocolate colored eyes were pleading with me to believe his apologies. I have been looking into his eyes since the day I was brought me home from the hospital and those eyes used to comfort me and make me feel safe but now, now all they made me feel was anger and pain; especially today.

Today had been one hell of a day. I felt like I was riding a roller coaster. And I was strapped in with my eyes clamped shut screaming for someone to stop the damn thing so I could puke and get off but no one could hear me.

Today was my eightieth birthday. Now this would normally be cause for celebration, but in my case the transition from childhood to adulthood was marred by the fact that today was also the 18th anniversary of the death of my mom. I friggin hate this day. I know that it totally blows to hate your own birth, but I do.

You see I killed my mother; my beautiful sweet Irish mother with fiery red hair, creamy white skin and eyes that were as green as the forest surrounding La Push. The heart retching fact of my being a murder is the climax of my introduction to this life was also the conclusion of hers. I wouldn't be alive if my mother hadn't given birth to me, but she would still be here if I had never been born. It is a definite paradox of suckiness.

My dad has always made sure that I knew her death wasn't my fault; that my mother loved me and would have fought to make sure that I was alive even at the expense of her own life. But despite this fact every year I feel a pang of guilt on my birthday; how can I celebrate when she is gone.

I try to put on a happy face for Dad but he sees through it. We watch the home movies he took of her while she was pregnant with me every year the night before my birthday. I love watching her wrap her arms around her belly, and sing to me. Her Irish accent used to lull me to sleep. She had made a recording of herself reading some books for a college children's literature class and I went to sleep every night for years to the sound of her voice. I think I would give up everything in the world if she could have just lived. But that is not possible; Mom hemorrhaged shortly after I was delivered and the doctors couldn't stop the bleeding. They say it is really rare for women to die during childbirth today; but I don't like the word rare. It implies that something will happen to other people not you. You hear the word rare and you think it won't happen to you and when it does you sit in disbelief and despair. No one ever wants to be on the rare side of rare; unless you win the friggin lottery.

I know my birthday is hard on my father too. He tries to make the best of it with a cake and presents and when I was younger slumber parties. When I was about twelve my maturing mind could see a dead look in his eyes hidden behind all the fake happiness. I realized then my birthday also served to remind him that he lost his soul mate. I tried to down play my birthday after that; just a small dinner just the two of us and he would leave my presents on the foot of my bed before he would leave for the day.

Charles Connweller is an engineer and while now he works from home with the occasional trip to Seattle; when he met Mom he was on a business trip in Ireland to finalize plans of a building he designed in Dublin. Mom worked at the front desk of the hotel he was staying at and Dad told me it was love at first sight. They were married less than four months later in a small beach ceremony near my house on the Reservation where my dad grew up. They spent five years together before she died; my Dad never remarried. He told me once, after copious amounts of tequila on their anniversary, that he feels lost without her. He said that he felt like he was on auto pilot and the only thing that kept him going was looking into my eerily similar eyes and knowing that she wasn't really gone; her spirit was here with us and in us.

I missed her so much; even though I never really met her, I miss her. I come to the beach on my birthday every year just to sit and listen to the ocean. Dad said she loved the sea and standing on the spot where she got married, makes me feel close to her.

The second thing that made this day totally and completely beyond confusing was Jared's sudden reappearance in my life. I had known Jared Thail since birth; his dad and my dad were best friends growing up on the Res. And living next door to each other assured that we practically grew up in each other's cribs. His mother was my babysitter while my dad worked in his home office; and we have even occasionally shared bathtubs. We were best friends and totally and completely inseparable until the eighth grade when he started playing football and instead of becoming a cheerleader I started a garage band and joined the cross country team.

Standing there staring at him in the freezing October rain made me realize just how far apart we have grown over the last three years. Our relationship has taken on a lot of twists and turns throughout the last eighteen years. We have been neighbors, friends, best friends, confidantes, class mates, acquaintances and most recently I was that girl that lived next door to him who he only talked to randomly at home or away from his shitty friends.

I have loved Jared, _really_ loved him, since we were twelve and he told me that he wanted to marry me because he already knew me and he didn't want to have to learn another girl. But I didn't know who he was anymore, _especially _lately.

He disappeared and no one seemed to know where he has been for the last three weeks. He just reappeared back at school today with a buzz cut looking like he had grown about two feet and robbed Arnold Schwarzenegger of his Mr. Universe body! And now he was standing in the rain in about 40 degree weather in nothing but a pair of cut off shorts and I could see steam rising off of his amazingly sculpted chest and shoulders. And even though he has treated me like shit and trampled all over our friendship my traitor heart won't let me stop loving him.

I didn't realize I had started crying till I heard Jared whimper and whisper, "Please! _Please_ don't cry."

"What do you want Thail?" I ground out through my teeth while trying to suppress a sob.

A wave of pain crossed his face and he took a step closer to me with his arm up like he was trying not to frighten a scared kitten.

"Kim," he choked out my name, "I..I'm so, _sooo_ sorry that I have been a dick lately," I snorted at him and wiped my nose and eyes on the sleeve of my soaked hoodie. "Your right I have been an ass for a while now…" He rubbed his hand through his hair and I couldn't help but appreciate how hot he looked all soaking wet standing in the rain. "I..I just want to say I..that..am.._really_ sor…sorry and that I won't mess up again." He took a step closer and I was frozen in my spot staring into his eyes. "Just please give me a chance."

He reached his hand out to place on my shoulder, "I can't trust you," I choked out, taking a step back. "You…you promised." I whispered so quietly I didn't think he would be able to hear over the rain.

I heard him gasp and stumble backwards, and I knew he heard me. I was probably being a total bitch bringing up a promise he made to me when we were little but I felt like a knife was piercing my heart and I didn't care anymore. Not to mention I was freezing and soaking wet and I all I wanted to do was go home, curl up in bed and forget about this damn day.

Jared whimpered again and swallowed hard forcing him to ball up his fists and force them to his side, "I know," he whispered. "And you don't know how much I hate myself right now."

I broke eye contact with him and mumbled, "Probably about half as much as I hate you."

I heard Jared gasp and I looked up in time to see his eyes fill with tears as he started to shake. The pain that I saw in his eyes made my heart shatter. I choked back a sob and with one last look into his eyes I turned and took off running home in my soggy ballerina flats.

Stumbling through the rain I had just reached the bottom of my front porch steps when I heard a wolf howl. I turned around and listened as the pour creature howled. It sounded like he was dying. My crying increased to sobbing and as I turned and ran up into my house I heard two more wolves join his lone howl making it sound like a chorus of sorrow. I slammed the door on their melancholy sound and slid down to the floor curling myself into a soggy wet sobbing ball.

This day couldn't get any worse. Even nature was depressed.

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><p>Please review! I will try to post as often as I can! Love y'all!<p> 


	2. First Last Day

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...I do own a foot soaker thing..it is amazing!

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><p><em><strong>Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room<br>And we're not speaking  
>And I'm dying to know, is it killing you<br>Like it's killing me**_

**_I don't know what to say since a twist of fate_**  
><strong><em>When it all broke down<em>**  
><strong><em>And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now<em>**

_**The Story of Us, Taylor Swift**_

_August 16__th__; Two months before prologue._

_6:55_ flashed in red numbers on the alarm clock beside my bed. It wasn't set to go off till seven and technically I should be snoozing right now. Instead I've been laying here curled on my side for the last half hour watching the minutes flash by; praying I could clear my mind enough to go back to sleep.

I had another damn dream that woke me up. And this dream was so unsettling it wouldn't let me go back sleep. It wasn't a nightmare; I would have welcomed some monsters or vampires. No this was much worse than a nightmare; it was memories. Memories that I couldn't escape from no matter how hard I tried; memories that still, even after three years, mean more to me than current interactions with my friends. I had woken up with tears pouring down my face and my heart hurting so bad I couldn't breathe. I hated feeling like a weak sappy girl. But I couldn't help it; my heart was broken. And the really horrible part is that I had done my best to get over the reason for my dreams.

I have dated other guys with the express intention that I was going to get over my ex-best friend. And as it turns out, abstinence is a deal breaker for some teenage boys. I have only had three boyfriends; the 1st two were awkward and only lasted a couple of months but the last one he was a real winner. (Note the sarcasm.)

We dated for a year and I refused to have sex with him. I was saving that for what my dad calls endless love. He was a nice guy, I thought he was anyway, and we had fun but there was no spark. He told me he was fine with the whole no sex thing at the beginning; he said he supported me and even claimed that is what he wanted to. And when he became tired of our relationship instead of breaking up with me due to irreconcilable differences; he decides to put his sausage in Jenna Smith, the whore of La Push. They had been screwing behind my back for three weeks when I found out last week about the whole nasty thing.

I was devastated for a couple days. I stayed in my room and ate ding dongs and drank more Pepsi than one person should ever consume. On day three Tia burst through my bedroom door and told me I needed grow a set and face him. She threw me in the shower, fully clothed, and dragged me to his house. She had banged on his door and stood off to the side of his front porch while I 'talked' to him. He of course denied everything and when Tia pulled pictures off of her cell of him and the whore he turned the fight on me and called me a prude. Well that only served to piss me off and let's just say Jason won't be putting his sausage in anything but an ice bucket for a while.

I blew some stray bed crazy hair out of my eyes and rolled over on my back to stare at my ceiling. I looked up and smiled at my ceiling; it was still covered in those silly glow-in-the-dark stars that every little kid has in their room at one point. Yet here I am, going to be 18 in two months and I still didn't have the heart to take those damn stars down. The memory of the day my stars were haphazardly placed above my bed causes a lump to rise in my throat and I can feel my traitor eyes welling up with tears.

I don't think I could forget that day if I wanted to. It was my eighth birthday and Jared had gotten them for me to keep the monsters away. We had to jump on my bed in order to reach high enough to get them up there. I smiled through my tears at how crazy we must have looked. I wish I could have those moments back.

"Get it together Kim," I growled at myself and swiped at the tears falling down my face, he is not the same person anymore. He was an asshole; and I _was_ going to get over him even if it killed me.

I jumped a little when my alarm goes off. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed; looks like I am going to have to get up and get ready now. I stand up, stretch and walk into my bathroom to take a shower and get ready for my first, last day of high school.

After my shower I pull on my favorite pair of black skinny jeans and a black tank. I grab my mismatched rainbow socks and pull them on my feet followed by my knee high black boots. I love these boots! They are my power boots and after my stupid memory dreams last night I am going to need all the self confidence I can get. My boots hit right below my knee and since they don't have a heel I could walk without tripping and still pull off the bad-ass yet still trendy look I am going for. I pull on my oversized 80's inspired white lace top that is worn off one shoulder with big holes cut for the sleeves and smoothed it over my flat stomach.

Taking a deep breath I look into my full length mirror. _You look like a power house Kimmie! Jason will be eating his heart out. _I rolled my eyes at my inner voice.

When I am satisfied that I look decent enough I hurry to my bathroom and rush through taming my wavy brownish red hair and putting some eyeliner and mascara on. I am a propionate of the, less is more motto when it comes to make-up usage. I have a plainer face. I mean my eyes are the same vibrant green as my mothers which set me apart from normal Quileute brown eyes. And I have been blessed with light mocha skin, since I am only half Quileute, which is flawless so I guess I am pretty. I am not what you would call an exotic beauty; more like the girl next door pretty, literally.

I ran back to my full length mirror to give myself a final once over, and shrug my shoulders when I couldn't find fault. My hair is in perfectly tamed waves down my back, and put my favorite dangly earrings on. I was short and that sucked. I was only about five foot three inches tall. I might be a little too skinny only weighing in at about a hundred and five pounds but o well, nothing I can do about that.

"That's as good as it's gonna get Kimmie!" I say with a sigh. I glance back at my clock only to realize that it is already eight and I only have ten minutes to get something to eat and get to school before I am late.

I shrieked and grabbed my backpack and run down the steps to find my dad sitting at the breakfast table.

"Morning Daddy!" I sang as I kissed him on the cheek. He chuckled and shook his head. I reached for my reusable coffee mug to fill it up with black goodness and an obscene amount of sugar and hazelnut creamer.

"Kimmie you realize you have to be at school in ten minutes? You don't want to be late on the first day of your senior year do you?"

I turned around to see him peaking at me above his Forks newspaper, with a grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes at him and grab a muffin from the kitchen island, "Yes Daddy I am well aware of the time, and I won't be late." I wrapped up my muffin in a napkin and jammed it in my backpack; I would eat it in my first hour.

He put his paper down, "Oh, well have a great day Noodle!" I rolled my eyes at that particular nickname. The one time you sneeze during Wednesday spaghetti night and a noodle flies out your nose you get labeled for life. "Is that Jason boy taking you?"

I gave a very un-lady like snort and saw dad's eyebrow quirk.

"No Daddy, Jason won't be taking me anywhere…ever again…I dumped him." I covered a growing evil smirk with my coffee cup. Jason won't be 'taking' a girl anywhere for a while. I giggled at that thought. Man, I seriously hope he has a limp or weird walk today.

I wasn't able to hide my smirk from my all seeing father, "Pumpkin, did that boy do something?"

"Ohhh, he just decided that sex with Jenna the whore was more important than a relationship with me." I watched my father's face transform into rage. Not wanting to make him freak I moved my cup and grinned bigger. He must have seen, what I assumed was an accompanying evil glint in my green eyes and he raised an eyebrow at me. "What did you do Kimberly? Do we need to hide a body?"

I laughed out loud; this is what I love about my father. He has always trusted my judgment and he knew that he raised me to value myself. He also wasn't afraid to talk to me; even with the gender gap. Growing up just the two of us had made us really close. He was the only person who knew about how much I hurt over Jared leaving. I think the girls in the band suspected; I mean the lyrics to my songs were a piece of my soul. But they never said anything, they just played along.

"No daddy but the day is still young!" I winked at him and walked over to kiss him on the forehead. "I took care of it and let's just say he won't walk straight for a while."

"That's my girl!" He laughed wrapping an arm around my waist to give me a hug. "You better get going munchkin, you're gonna be late."

"Crap!" I looked at the clock on the wall and I had five minutes now to get across the reservation and into my first class. I kissed him again and ran out the door grabbing my purse and back pack as I ran. I could hear him laughing at me as I ran out the door.

I climbed in my Jeep and threw my bag and purse into the passenger seat. My dad had let me pick out my first car when I was sixteen and I am not the cute car type. I picked out a black soft top four door Jeep Wrangler and daddy had it custom painted with an off white tribal design down both sides. Dad made really good money as an engineer and we lived on the nicer side of La Push. Daddy tended to spoil me but I understood why he did. I was all he had left.

I was putting my coffee cup in the cup holder when I reached behind me to pull my seatbelt on I saw Jared leaving his house. My heart stopped and I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. He looked amazing in his designer dark wash jeans and a white t-shirt with an unbuttoned dark blue shirt over top. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his hair was just shaggy enough to reach his eyebrows. He looked like he had grown a couple of inches and he was defiantly more muscular than he had been the last time I saw him a couple of weeks ago. Damn him for being so sexy.

I watched as he walked to his big Dodge pick-up threw on a pair of sunglasses and jumped in without even looking in my direction. I swallowed a lump in my throat and jammed my sunglasses on my face.

"Bastard," I mumbled under my breath jamming my keys in the ignition and starting my Jeep. And just to piss him off I pulled out of our shared driveway in front of him; making sure to throw some gravel at his precious truck.

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><p>"I can't believe we are finally seniors!" Tia shouted while we were walking down the hall after our second period.<p>

I rolled my eyes at her exuberance and thought back to the beginning of my day. I was ten minutes late for my first class because I just had to drive slow enough to make Jared late too. A little bitchy right? Well, Vindictive is my middle name. Actually it is Catherine, but you get the point.

"Geesh T, are you going to be shrieking like that all day?" I put my finger in my ear and shivered for effect.

I heard Mia giggle from the other side of Tia. And as I glanced at her I couldn't help but notice the difference between my two friends. Sure they are twins, but for two people who shared a uterus for nine months; they couldn't be any different.

First of all they don't look anything alike. Tia is short and curvy with bubble gum pink hair. And even though it touches her shoulders it looks like it was cut by Edward Scissorhands. Her hair sticks up in all directions and she has random clips and bows in it. It looks crazy; but it works for her. She tries not to match if at all possible; like right now she is wearing neon purple pants and a bright yellow t-shirt that says 'let me pound on your bass drum'. She has a nose ring, her eyebrow pierced and she reminds me of Animal from the Muppets when she plays drums; she is loud, somewhat obnoxious and I love her.

Mia on the other hand is tall and bean pole skinny. She only wears knee length skirts and cardigans. She has pretty auburn hair with blonde highlights that is always picture perfect. And we had to beg borrow and steal just to get her to play an electric bass for our band. I am still working out how I was going to get her to turn her violin into a fiddle for a song I wrote after Jason the dick cheated on me. I think she likes the band more than she lets on. Mia is quiet and prefers books to people. They are only a quarter Quileute, and they moved here from New York to be closer to her Mom's family. They are defiantly a funny pair. I don't know what I would do without them; they have become like sisters to me.

"Shut it Mia," Tia mumbled under her breath. I looked behind her to see Mia looking back at me. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at her sister's dejection.

We stopped in front of our lockers, which happened to be close due to our last names. Just when I had gotten mine open; I heard my name being called. I turned to find the sound when I was forcefully shoved into my open locker.

"Oomph," I grunted landing at the bottom of my locker with a small person still on top of me. I took a deep breath and when I opened my eyes I saw the cause of my current pain and humiliation.

"Heidi get _off_ me!" I gritted out through my teeth. I loved Jared's little sister like she was my own, but she was probably the single most accident prone person I have ever met in my life! I love her I really do. I give her big sisterly advice and I have babysat her more times than I can count but right now I was contemplating murder.

I felt her being raised off me and then Tia's black and hot pink nail polished hand reach into the bottom of my locker to help hoist me out. I stood up and started to brush myself off when I felt two tiny frantic hands moving all over my face and shoulders.

"I am so sorry Kim! I am such a nub! I was just coming to see if we were going to practice tonight and someone stuck their leg out and I tripped. I didn't mean to fall on you. Did you break anything? Are you bruised? Should I take you to the nurse?"

"Heidi," I said in an amused voice. She will go on forever if I didn't stop her now.

"Maybe we should go just in case; I mean you could have internal bleeding or something! And that can be really serious, you can die from that!" I rolled my eyes at her, "Oh God I killed my sister!" She was waving her hands in the air like a crazy person before they came to rest on her forehead. I laughed at her overdramatic tendencies.

"_Heidi_," I said with a little more force. She was breathing so fast she was starting to hyperventilate.

"I mean you're not my real sister…I don't have one of those…but you basically are," she was waving her hands so fast now I couldn't keep up with them. I looked over to see an amused look on Tia's face. She loved the drama that came along with being friends with Heidi; and was just enjoying the show. Mia on the other hand was talking to a band friend; totally oblivious to the freak out in the hallway, typical. "And…I always thought you and Jared would get together…I mean he has been acting like a total…."

"HEIDI!" I yelled; I was _not_ going to let her finish that sentence. That got her attention and she blinked her light brown eyes at me and took a deep breath.

"Yes?" she whispered.

"I am fine you silly drama queen! Not a scratch," I turned in a circle so she could see I was not damaged. Well nothing visible; my ass was killing me.

"Oh thank goodness!" she beamed before grabbing me up in a hug. I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. She was so high strung. Her parents thought piano lessons would calm her down and they do to a point but she is still like a Chihuahua on speed.

The bell to announce class rang and I let go of Heidi. I turned to get my History book and said, "We are gonna meet at the house after school. Is that alright?"

"Perfect!" Heidi shrieked and skipped away to class. Ahh! What is up with all the screeching? At this rate I wouldn't have any ear drums left tonight for practice.

"Is that what I sound like?" Tia asked with a pained look on her face.

"Yeppp," Mia said popping the P, rejoining our conversation.

"God, shoot me next time."

"Can do!" I said slamming my locker door. "But it can't be in a place that will kill you or maim you."

"Gee thanks," Tia scoffed; walking down the hall. "Is there a reason you wouldn't go for the kill shoot?"

"Well that is obvious my dear sister," Mia said walking with me. "We need you for the Halloween beach party."

And that we did! That beach party was going to be our first performance. I was excited and nervous about it. I knew we were amazing, but no one in La Push other than my dad and the twin's parents had heard us sing before. And they are all a little bias.

I giggled and stopped in front of my History class, "Correct! The only reason I wouldn't kill you for destroying my hearing is because I need you alive. I only like you for your amazing drumming skills." I winked at her.

"Well," she said with a spark in her eye, "I am touched at how much I am loved. And it is nice to know all I am good for is banging on pig skins." She turned and walked to her next class. "See you douche's later!" Mia and I started laughing and she raised her arm in the air to flip us off.

I laughed out loud and waved at Mia as she shook her head and grinned while she walked into her class across the hall. We had our first two classes of the day together and according to our schedules we had them all together except this history class and my last class of the day, TV studio. That didn't bother me though; I could make it through two classes without them. Even if they did ensure I didn't become invisible.

I walked into my class and looked for a seat. I saw an open desk near the back by the window and I rushed down the aisle to claim it. I had Mr. Gage as a teacher before and I knew that he made us stay in the seats we chose for the rest of the semester. I sat down and took out my notebook and pencil.

I heard the tardy bell ring and the commotion of students trying to make it through the door without our teacher Mr. Gage punishing them.

I wasn't paying attention to my classmates; I was too wrapped up in watching a little squirrel that was chasing another squirrel around the courtyard outside. I giggled as the faster one caught up to the slower one and pushed him off a branch. I loved the nature around La Push. The forest seemed to grow right up to all of the buildings and you were never far from the dense Washington forest. It was so peaceful and I loved just walking down our private road to the beach or walking through the forest on the trails behind my house. I secretly hoped that while I was on my walks I would see a deer or maybe a wolf, but I have only been able to see a couple of rabbits and squirrels.

My attention was brought back to the classroom when Mr. Gage called for the class to come to order.

"Quiet down class. Now I know all of you are seniors and that most of you don't want to take history anyway, but we shall make the most of our time together!" I rolled my eyes at his excitement. I loved history but most teenagers thought it was stupid to learn about the past. Mr. Gage was a great teacher he just wasn't very engaging.

"I am going to pass around this seating chart. Please write your name in the corresponding box for your desk. Look around you people; these are going to be your seats for the rest of the semester." Most people groaned because they hadn't realized that where they had plunked their ass was their seat till December. Not me I was right where I wanted to be; I loved sitting by the window.

I looked around to see who I was going to be sitting by and when I looked to my right my heart stopped and I felt my breathing get shallow. Damn it all to hell he just had to be in this damn class and he just had to park his damn ass right next to my damn chair.

He must have heard me gasp because he looked over and his eyes connected with mine. His eyebrows shot up and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but he closed it. He sent me a small awkward smile and raised his hand to give me a small wave.

I felt a lump growing in my throat and my eyes starting to water. I blinked back my tears praying that they wouldn't spill over. I could see his eyes soften and I refused to give him any kind of a reaction so when I couldn't hold eye contact anymore I turned to face Mr. Gage.

I heard Jared sigh and I could see him running his hands through his shaggy hair; a nervous habit of his. I think I was in shock for a couple of minutes because I don't remember anything Mr. Gage said. I kept replaying the tender look in his eyes and his stupid little wave. Maybe he was sorry? No, that can't be right; if he was sorry he would have walked the fifty feet between our houses and apologized.

Did he really think that I was just going to say hi to him? That I was just going to act like the last three years haven't happened. I could feel heat pooling in my cheeks as my blood started to boil. This class was going to suck! I know I had to see him in the halls occasionally and in the lunch room; but having to sit next to the bastard in class was going to be hell on my nerves.

How was I supposed to hate him when I was forced to sit next to his gorgeousness every day? And how was I supposed to forgive him for treating me like Typhoid Mary since 8th grade?

I took a deep breath and told myself that maybe this would be the only class we had together. Maybe I would only have to hide how much I still love him and how much I hate him once a day. Yeah, I could deal with one hour a day. I was feeling a little better when Mr. Gage finished his rules and what to expect speech and gave us the rest of the class off to talk quietly.

Instead of talking, I took this time to repeat to myself the chances that Jared was in anymore of my classes was slim; due to the fact that I was in a lot of advanced classes and he has been taking auto shop since freshman year. I had just about calmed down when I heard one of Jenna's whores, I think her name was Melody or something, ask Jared about his schedule for the rest of the day.

"Jared," god her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard. I looked over to see her leaning on her desk next to Jared and twirling her blonde hair. I turned back to focus on the pencil eraser that I was shredding on my lap. Stupid dumb girl; if her low cut shirts and push up bras didn't make her seem fake, then her excessive amounts of makeup and unnatural blonde hair would. "What are your classes for the rest of the day?" She sounded like she was giggling while she talked; shoot me now.

I rolled my eyes at her stupid insipid voice and leaned over a little; craning my neck to hear what his classes were. I also _might _have wanted to hear his voice; sue me.

"Well," his voice dripped with sex and I felt my stomach flip and I had to force my hands into my lap to stop them from shaking. His voice had also gotten deeper since our last Thail/Connweller dinner a couple of weeks ago. "I have Chemistry, auto shop, English and I am really stoked about my last class."

The tramp giggled and I felt my heart stop. _Please spirits, if you have any pity for me at all don't let him say TV studio…please…please…have pity on me!_

I heard the whore do that weird giggle speak again through my chanting, "What is it?"

"TV Studio."

Someone kill me now.

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><p>Please review! I will get chapters up faster the more you review!<p>

AN: This story is based on the Taylor Swift song You Belong with Me, and all of the songs that Kim will sing will be Taylor swift songs. Most of the chapters will be based on a song so you are more than welcome to look them up and listen to them! (If you don't like Tayor I can't help you...I am not a huge fan of hers but her songs fit with my story so well I am just running with it!)

Thank you! Happy Reading!


	3. Band Mates

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...I do own all the movies! Yay for Team Emmett! hehe

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><p><strong>And I could tell you<br>His favorite color's green  
>He loves to argue<br>Born on the seventeenth  
>His sister's beautiful<br>He has his father's eyes  
>And if you ask me if I love him<br>I'd lie**

**I'd Lie, Taylor Swift**

"So you are telling me he just ignored you through not only one but _**BOTH **_classes?" Tia growled from her perch on my kitchen island.

I rolled my eyes at her and jammed another Doritos in my mouth. I really didn't want to go over the whole story again.

I had to endure another hour alone with Jared the Jackass and he didn't even bother to look at me the entire class! And when your class has less than ten people in it; that is doing something.

"Yes T, he did." I sighed after chewing. She growled again and reduced the chip in her hand to dust. I had raced out of my History class to find Tia and Mia and then proceeded to summarize my class with Jared and the power slut. Needless to say when Tia found out she was livid. She was ready to go find him and kick his balls into his throat. Mia on the other hand gave me a sympathetic look and asked if I was alright. Where Tia likes to get involved and pushy; Mia is more of a silent supporter. She would be my right hand if it came down to it, but she just chooses to use logic and her brain before she rushes into something. She is silent but deadly; like Spock. Tia is a lot like Jim Kirk; hotheaded and quick to act and think later.

Wow I am comparing my friends to Star Trek characters; I am officially lame. And now that we were at my house after school Mia had changed into angry Spock and was demanding answers about how I was feeling and if I was going to be ok.

"And it didn't really bother me that much." The stupid voice in my head was shouting, _Lies, all lies. _"I am used to it by now." Tia gave me a look that said she clearly didn't believe me but she let it go.

"I don't want to talk about it; let's just play." I sighed taking a swig of my water.

"Oh we are gonna play but not before we find out if you are alright." I glowered at Mia. She was never this forceful; normally Tia was the pushy one. Maybe they had finally figured out how to change places.

I pushed off the island and started pacing around my kitchen. "God I am fine, ok? It isn't like he hasn't been pretending to be anything but an arrogant ass for a while now. The summer didn't make him grow a freakin brain and realize that he has been a butt munch to me. I am over him and whatever friendship we had died three frackin years ago! And if you would all be so kind, I would like to not talk about it anymore! I wrote a new song during his asshole-ishness in TV Studio and I would really like to have it worked up for the beach party." I took a deep breath and glared at the floor. I hated freaking out like that but all this talk of Jared made my heart hurt, and the faster I got my guitar in my hands the better I would feel.

I looked over to see Heidi with tears in her eyes. I hated that this wedge between Jared and I had put her smack dab in the middle. She was not only my friend I also considered her like little sister. It double-ly sucked that she was also his sister.

This damn conversation had crossed a freaking line and I was starting to get pissed. There was an unspoken rule that we didn't discuss Jared when we were together as a band; we didn't discuss the male gender in general.

Sure they were in our songs and in our music. They were forced to be in our lives but for a blissful couple of hours we could pretend like they didn't break our hearts or make us feel things we shouldn't. All of us have written songs and we all know who each and every one of them is directed towards. It is just not discussed. Our songs are personal and uniquely ours. So having this discussion was already breaching a wall that we didn't cross and I was uncomfortable and I could see that Heidi was. I looked over at Mia and Tia to see them looking embarrassed.

"Can we just play?" I said exhaustedly as I fell into one of the chairs around our breakfast table. I watched as Mia nodded her head, gave me a small apologetic smile from across the table and got her violin out to tune it.

Tia's face told me she was sorry but her eyes told me that this conversation wasn't over. I gave her a small nod to let her know we could talk later. That seemed to pacify her for the moment and she grabbed her drum sticks and twirled them through her fingers.

I grinned at her and she wiggled her eyes at me, "Did you really say 'butt munch' earlier?"

I rolled my eyes. "Out of that whole damn thing, all you took out was that I said butt munch?"

She laughed out loud, "Of course! Come on Kimmie, I think most eighteen year olds stop saying butt munch in like the fifth grade! Kim said butt munch, what is the world coming to? Next thing we know you're gonna be giggling when people talk about sex!" Mia snorted and shook her head but kept working on her violin. I glared at Tia.

"Oh wait, you already do that," she giggled and ducked; just narrowly missing the water bottle I threw at her head.

I gave her a fake scowl. She was right of course. I was as virginal as a friggin Nun. In fact getting to second base is a goal of mine; I just haven't found the right hitter. I laughed at her and gave her a wink to thank her for breaking the tension. You could always count on Tia to get the attention back on her.

"And don't get me started about your use of every word starting with F that sounds like the F-bomb but isn't! Can you even say fuck?" I blushed red and picked up the pen next to the phone and threw it at her.

"No I can't! I hate that word and you know it!" I was unwaveringly against saying that dirty nasty word. Out of all the cuss words out there that four letter word was, in my opinion, the most vulgar. I cringe every time I hear it and the girls knew that it wasn't said in my presence.

Apparently my reaction to her choice of curse word was hilarious because Tia was practically falling off the counter with laughter. Mia was giggling and trying to concentrate on her violin. Some friends I have! I looked over at Heidi to see if she thought my hatred of a word was comic relief, but she was just grinning nervously from her perch on a bar stool. When I looked at her she started nervously playing with the hem of her shirt and avoiding eye contact with us. This was new. Heidi was everything except nervous and she was defiantly not quiet. Normally she was like a hyped up Chihuahua. What was going on with her?

"Hey Toots you ok?" Tia and Mia looked up at Heidi like those cliché twins from movies; they both looked at me and then back to Heidi and then back to me shrugging their shoulders. I rolled my eyes and looked back at Heidi.

"Well," she started in a small voice. Shit! I hope she isn't mad at me for what I said about Jared.

"Is this about what I said about your brother?" I asked leaning forward in my chair.

She shook her head violently, "NO! No, I know he is an ass. I don't care about that. I…well I have…I have kinda done something." She was biting her lip so hard it looked like she was going to puncture it.

Oh, well in that case I was intrigued as to what could make the energizer bunny of our little group so nervous. I was opening my mouth to ask her what she did when Tia opened her big one.

"Did you 'kinda' fall into bed with an artist type guy? Cause let me tell you from experience; just because they can do amazing things with their hands doesn't always translate to great sexual skills." Tia was cradling a bag of cheese puffs and jamming them into her mouth. "Trust me! I met this guy, Mike, over the summer and he could make a block of clay into a sculpture worthy of the Louvre but it was like making love to one of those CPR dummies! Not that I would know about that but he just laid…"

"T no one cares about your sordid sex life." Mia said interrupting her.

"Of course they do! I am the only one getting any. And if you and Miss Iron Undies over here don't get a move on your both gonna be old ladies who have to ask the nursing home director for batteries for their vibrators! I mean little Thail here is gonna lose her big V before either of you two freaks! And Mia don't even act like you are so innocent! I seem to recall a boy named…"

"DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE TIA MAY, I have so much dirt on you if I wanted to I could bury you ten feet under!" Mia was red faced and gripping her bow so tight I thought she was going to snap it. The twins were known for their brawls but it was a rarity to see Mia so worked up. I would have to find out what was so important about this mystery boy of hers.

Tia was giving Mia the evil eye when I heard a little voice say, "I invited someone to play with us."

Tia, Mia and I blinked and looked over at Heidi who was red faced and pleading with her eyes for us to listen to her. I don't think I could have spoken if I wanted to.

Our faces of shock must have said something because Heidi repeated herself, "I invited a friend to come play with us tonight."

I choked on some spit and tried to let her words sink in. Our band was my extended family; we were at ease with each other and able to express ourselves without judgment or ridicule. Our parents were the only ones allowed to hear us and that was after we had practiced enough to be confident in our music. It might sound stuck up but inviting someone else into our sanctum was shocking and to be honest I felt a little betrayed.

In the corner of my eye I could see Tia's face getting red and she was beginning to growl. And Mia was opening and closing her mouth like a fish and shaking her head back and forth. I shook my head to clear out the fuzziness and I raised an eyebrow and nodded for her to explain.

"Don't be mad," Tia snorted and Heidi swallowed hard and rung her hands in her lap. "There was a new girl in my Chemistry class today. She is from Tennessee and you guys know that I don't have any friends in my grade because everyone thinks that I am crazy," she was waving her hands in the air, "anyway she looked really shy so I said hi to her and she sat next to me at my lab table and we got to talking and she told me that she played guitar and bass and banjo and mandolin and I told her that I was in a band and she told me that she had always wanted to be in a band and then I might have told her that we were going to play at the Halloween beach party and we were trying to figure out how to work a fiddle into one of the songs and she said that she could play bass while Mia played fiddle and then she could play whatever she needed to on the rest of the songs except she doesn't play drums she said she could never get past the head ache and I hope you guys aren't to mad at me but she was just so sweet and she doesn't have any friends and I know how she feels not that you guys aren't my friends you are just all seniors and I could use a friend my age and oh her name is Hailee by the way and I didn't think I was breaking the no outsiders rule because she is new to the school and she doesn't know anyone and I am really sorry I can tell her not to come although she should be here in about ten minutes so I would have to call now what…"

"HEIDI!" the rest of us yelled.

She cringed and Tia smiled at me and nodded. I looked over at Mia who looked excited and I knew that I was game if the girl was good. This was like an answer to prayers! I had wanted to find someone to add a little more body to our sound and having a jack of all trades was awesome! Just as I was opening my mouth to ask Heidi a question the doorbell rang.

Tia jumped off the counter, well more like fell off very ungracefully. She laughed and ran all the way to the door as Mia, Heidi and I chased after her.

Tia grabbed the door knob and flung the door open. I felt sorry for the girl behind the door. Tia and I were crammed in the door jam and Mia and Heidi were looking over our shoulders. Hailee stood on my porch with at least four different shaped guitar cases and a tiny mandolin case. I smiled at her and Tia reached out to help her with the instruments.

"Hi, is this the Connweller house?" she had a slight southern accent, and it was amazing. Our music was a pop country with a little rock in roll mixture and I think I remember hearing in Heidi's rant that she was from the south. This was going to be amazing!

"Yeppers it is!" I grinned at her. "I am Kim Connweller and this is Tia and Mia Browner, their twins. And you know Heidi." I pointed to all of my ragamuffin friends.

Hailee gave a small wave once Tia cleared her arms of two of the cases, "Thanks for the introductions; now when do we practice? I am dying to start playin' again."

"I like her!" exclaimed Mia. She was our slave driver. She would make us stay till we had a new song down pat.

"You have to answer a few questions before you can be trusted to keep our secrets," Tia told her with a smirk.

Hailee shifted one of the cases on her shoulder and she raised an eyebrow at Tia, "I am the daughter of a career Marine and a stay at home mom. I have lived all over the world and the US; mainly in the south thus the slight accent. I have two little brothers who are the demon seed of Chesty Puller. My dad retired in May and decided to move us all to a Native American reservation because Mom is a tree hugger and because she moved with him for so many years it was her turn to pick our home. My nutty mother is a vegan so we don't eat any of the good stuff but Dad sneaks us out twice a week to go eat a greasy burger and fries. My hair is blonde just not this blonde; I don't like cats they are evil. My last name is Ray and I love pizza. Like, I could eat it by the ton if I was allowed which is probably a good thing because I would be fat. I play just about every instrument known to man and I am new hear and know no one so who am I going to tell your secrets to. Also if what crazy over here told me about writing music is true I have a couple songs to add to the mix."

"Good god there is two of them…" Tia whispered.

I giggled and stepped out onto the porch. "Welcome to Pixie Dust Hailee; I think you are gonna fit in just fine!" Hailee grinned at me and I could hear Heidi clapping and shrieking behind me.

We walked over to my garage and Hailee proved herself when she plugged her electric in and started busting out the opening rifts of Thunderstruck. I think Tia might have wet herself with excitement and Mia looked like she was going to burst.

After we let Hailee show off for us the unexpected happened. Tia reached over and grabbed up Heidi in a hug. I don't know who was more shocked Tia or Heidi. Tia isn't a very affectionate person and Heidi has been trying to get a hug from her for a year.

After Tia realized what she was doing she jumped back like she on fire. "Um," she coughed, "Thanks for bringing Angus over there to us, we are gonna kill at the beach party."

"You're Welcome!" Heidi shrieked as she walked over to set up her keyboards.

"God in heaven Tiny save it for the stage!" Tia shouted as she got behind her drum set. I smiled as everyone got in their places for practice, and the sounds of warm ups started.

This is where I was comfortable. Here, in this two car garage with my friends, my band mates, my sisters; Jared didn't matter and our problems didn't matter. For a couple of glorious hours we could get lost in the music. And that is just what we did.

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><p>Sorry this is a little rough and short but I wanted to get it out there. Please review! I got over 300 hits but only 9 reviews...I suck at math but that doesn't add up! Thank you!<p> 


	4. Stress

_I am still here everyone! Sorry about the wait. I have 3 kids and I just got a new job and life in general is kicking my butt. But I am back and this is a great chapter. At least I think it is. There is some drama so hold on...the rollercoaster begins from here! Love ya'll!_

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...but I do own a bread maker I have only used twice...sad really

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><p><em><strong>And if you come around <strong>_

_**Saying sorry to me **_

_**My daddy's going to show you **_

_**How sorry you'll be  
>'Cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck <strong>_

_**You never let me drive **_

_**You're a redneck, heartbreak **_

_**Who's really bad at lying  
>And so watch me strike a match <strong>_

_**On all my wasted time **_

_**As far as I'm concerned **_

_**You're just another picture to burn.**_

_**Picture to Burn, Taylor Swift**_

_September 17__th_

The last month had gone by in a flash; a flash of band practices and trying to iron out our lineup for the Halloween beach party. I've been floating around on my own personal cloud the past couple weeks. It was both a good thing and a bad thing.

I dove into my music playing with a new ferocity and continued to write. My new songs had to be put on hold until after the beach party but I couldn't stop the word vomit that was pouring from my head. And they were more intense then my current ones were. I was really trying to keep my personal crap out of my songs but I couldn't help it.

I had songs that were inspired by my hopeless, doomed from the start relationship with the sausage king. I wrote a song about Jenna and her mindless minions. Well that one was fun to write and I had even managed to talk Tia into practicing it; which in turn caused her to love it and we were now using it in our Halloween lineup. And I wrote song after song about my sordid relationship with Jared. The girls seemed to know not to ask about those songs. They would tease me about Jason or Jenna but the songs inspired by Jared were left with no running commentary. I appreciated it more than I could ever tell them.

Hailee had become a part of our group seamlessly. She fit in and she and Heidi had become inseparable. When they got to talking I think the oxygen levels on the planet decreased by half. It was entertaining to watch them go back and forth. Even though Hailee didn't know the background on Jared and me; I think Heidi might have filled her in a little, she held strong in backing me on my gag order of all things Jared. She also proved herself to be an amazing song writer and we were singing one of her songs for the beach party.

Right now I was trying to make it through my last class of the day, TV studio; and I was failing miserably. This class was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a relaxing way to end every day of my senior year. I had chosen this class as a way to not only help my class preserve our senior year but I also loved film. I have been obsessed with movies since I was four and my dad and I watched a musical movie marathon. Even though I was four I sat through twelve hours worth of Fiddler on the Roof and The Music Man. But my heart wasn't lost until my dad introduced me to Danny Kaye. I swear if he was alive today I would be begging him to marry me. I loved old films. The black and white movies owned my heart. I loved new films too, but if it was pre-1960 I was game. I learned I also loved making films. I loved cutting and filming. I loved thinking about new and creative ways to shot something and then edit it and watch it all come together.

Our teacher Mrs. Beatle had been really cool about letting us work on our own for the first part of the semester. She told us she wanted each of us to think of a project that we could do to showcase all of the different clubs of the school. She gave each of us three clubs told us to go wild. We each had cameras assigned to us, both still and digital film and a spot at one of her twelve editing computers. These computers were donated by a film school to our reservation and I swear Mrs. Beatle would kill if someone did something to her babies. By the luck of the draw I received the Jazz band, drama club and the archery club. Who knew we had an archery club? I didn't! And the drama club was my favorite project. I had so many ideas on how to film them. I can't wait!

Right now I have spent the last month sitting in this freezing cold room with eleven other seniors. And even though we are not always in here at the same time; somehow this class manages to be my most uncomfortable hour of the day. See one of the best parts of this class is free reign to roam the halls with a camera and the excuse of filming. Our class was so small and to be selected to even be in this class you had to take all the required pre-requisites and keep a certain GPA. I was one of the few who realized freshman year what was required and took all of the necessary classes to ensure I was here. Now I was regretting that choice. Not because of the subject matter; no that was the best part. I was regretting the strained atmosphere I had to sit in for fifty minutes every day.

Right now I was sitting across the room from a boy who was concentrating really hard on the viewing screen of his camera. He was smiling and chuckling about whatever was happing on his screen. I was trying to pay attention to my editing of our schools sportsman taking aim and doing tricks, but it was hard when his laugh was so inviting. My stomach began to hurt as I thought about that. How could I think he was so amazing still? How could I still sit in a room with someone who I had known since birth and not talk to him? Easy that's how. He doesn't even bother to acknowledge my presence most days. In fact after his half wave/sad eyes in history on the first day of school he hasn't even so much as looked at me; well at least not while I was looking at him. Which, as pathetic as it might seem, is a lot.

As I think about how pathetic I am, a lump rises in my throat and I have to swallow it down. I blink back tears and look one last time at Jared; who was putting his camera down and was now rubbing his eyes and running his hand through his shaggy hair. I took a moment to really look at him; and not just the stalker glances, but to really look at him. His hair wasn't as shinny as it normally was; his eyes were darker somehow with big dark bags underneath them. He had taken to wearing hoodies under his letterman jacket everywhere he went and even though this was the Pacific Northwest, it was only the middle of September so it wasn't cold enough to be wearing them all day every day. He looked like he was freezing but his head was dotted with sweat. And come to think of it he looked like he was getting taller. Hum, he must be sick or something? Or maybe going through a growth spurt.

The bell rang and I shook my head of the thoughts that I shouldn't be having about Jared and started to close down my computer. I took my time saving and closing all my work. I was trying to convince myself that my stalkerish ways weren't creepy, and the fact that I knew so much about someone who didn't acknowledge my presence wasn't sad or pathetic. I sighed as I placed my camera back in my numbered slot and placed my battery back on charge. I wish I could recharge my relationship with Jared like this damn battery. HAH; this mess would take a lot more than a slow charge. It was more like Jared needed a jolt to his brain that told him he was an effing moron who should have been my friend when I needed him and not a raging douche bag. I giggled to myself as I walked out the door; man my inner voice was crazy!

I made my way slowly through the almost empty halls. I wasn't in a hurry to get home tonight. Tonight was our twice monthly dinner at the Thail's house. I hated going over there. I mean Heidi was one of my best friends and the little sister I wish I always had; and Jared's parents are great but I hate the tension that impedes every dinner we have.

Jared's dad, David, had been a rock for my dad after my mom died. I don't know if my dad would have made it through her funeral if it wasn't for him. I mean I don't remember it, but dad has told me numerous times that David was a lifesaver during those first few months. And Becca, Jared's mom, was basically the mother I never had. She was there to hug me like a mom should, and she was there during my 1st period when my dad freaked and ran over to their house and banged on the door like I was dying or something then left like he was going to be struck by lightning. Talk about freaking a preteen out! It was Jared that I was dreading seeing. I hated how uncomfortable our dinners had become since high school started; and no one was to blame except us. Well mainly Jared but I was doing my fair share of moping.

Even our parents seemed to feel the strain of our lack of friendship. I tried not to think about it; it wasn't my fault after all. Well maybe only half of a percent was. I also think our parents secretly hoped that we would work everything out. I know Jared's mother had been secretly panning our wedding since we were in cribs together and our break in friendship was very hard for her to deal with. She was the only reason that Jared would even talk to me during our family dinners. I knew it was just to make her happy; so I didn't look too far into it, and I didn't do much responding.

As I got to my locker I heard an unmistakable voice calling my name behind me. I sighed and turned around waiting for the onslaught that was about to happen and wishing that Tia and Mia were here to diffuse the tension that I knew was for sure going to take place. This idiot couldn't just leave it alone.

"So Kim, you decided to give up on being mad at me and take me back?" Jason smirked as he leaned against the locker next to mine.

I folded my arms under my chest and raised one eyebrow to him. "You're kidding me right?"

"Why would I be kidding sweets?" His innocent look only served to piss me off further. I noticed his eyes were really blood shot and all I could think of was that he was high. What in the world happened to him? Jason never seemed like the person who would do drugs. Yet here he was in school none the less higher than a kite.

"Go to hell Jason," I said trying to hold myself back from decking him in is pointy nose. "And while you're at it, don't talk to me again." I started to turn around to open my locker when I saw him move out of the corner of my eye.

He raised his eyebrows and took a step towards me. I nervously took a step back and tried not to show how uncomfortable I was with him being so close to me. "You don't mean that, Kimmie. You know that you miss me and yeah maybe I shouldn't have slept with Jenna, but a man has needs. And you weren't providing. What else was I supposed to do?" He ran his finger down the length of my cheek and took another step towards me forcing me to back up against the lockers.

I shivered when he touched me and I could feel my face heating up with anger and a little fear. Jason never hurt me when we dated but he would get mad if I didn't do what he wanted or if I didn't listen to his advice. And his advice turned out to be telling me how to dress and what to eat. Yeah that didn't go over well and he learned he couldn't talk to me like that. I thought maybe it was a phase or something; some kind of male dominance crap that all teenage boys had to go through, but now that he is standing so close that I was trying to use osmosis or something to merge with the locker behind me. He was starting to scare me and he took another step closer to me and I could feel his hips push against mine.

"Come on baby, we were so good together. Go out with me and I will show you we can be even better."

"I am not your damn baby. And I am never going to make that mistake again you asshole, now get off me you freak!" I shrieked trying to shove him off me.

He grinned at me and lowered his mouth to my right ear, "You know; I should make you pay for kicking me in the balls. That hurt baby. And I can think of a few ways you can repay me; and make them feel better."

I shivered and shook my head. "I am not getting anywhere near your nasty balls; unless it is to knee them into your throat again."

He chuckled and placed his hands on either side of me caging me against the wall with his body. I kept fighting him as he pushed me harder against the wall. I could feel the locker hinge digging into my back and I knew it was going to leave a bruise but I kept fighting to get away from him.

When he reached his nose down to nuzzle my neck I looked over his shoulder and I was just about to scream when I heard a male voice behind me.

"What the hell are you doing Miller?!"

I managed to both cringe and breathe a sigh of relief at that voice. Why, of all the people in La Push did I have to be saved by Jared? Not that I wasn't grateful; because I am. But the universe must be out to torture me or something.

Jason growled and stepped slowly away from me but kept a firm hand on my upper arm. I could feel his fingers digging into my flesh and my eyes starting welling up with tears. I didn't give a crap if Jared was my savior or not; Jason was freaking me out and I just wanted out of here and to see my Daddy.

"Jared my man; Kim and I were just having a little talk about how much she misses me and she was just begging me to take her back." I would have scoffed if I wasn't scared shitless right now. Who did this bastard think he was? Anybody with eyes could tell that he was pinning me against the lockers and that I was struggling to get away.

Jared narrowed his eyes and didn't look like he believed him and when he looked over at me our eyes met. I don't know what he saw in my eyes, maybe it was fear or just plain begging for him to help me but it worked; whatever it was. His eyes darkened and he took a couple steps closer to us. I looked up at him only to realize how much taller he had really gotten in the last month. I swear he had grown a foot.

"Get your fucking hands off of Kim," Jared growled. He was beginning to shake a little and he reached out a hand to me. I hadn't touched him in almost four years but I was so freaked out right now all I wanted to do was be safe in his arms. And I knew that even though he had been a total douche to me lately he would never hurt me, and that I was safe with him.

I tried to take a step closer to Jared when Jason dug his fingers deeper into my arm and I whimpered as I felt the tears that I had been holding back spill down my cheeks.

"I don't think so Thail. You see Kim and I are not done talking yet. So why don't you just move along and mind your own business."

I whimpered again as Jason's hand tightened and Jared growled, "Fuck that Miller. Let her go before I rearrange your face." Jared was shaking a little bit and was growling under his breath. He sounded a little like a guard dog that someone pissed off. If this situation wasn't so messed up, I would have giggled at that thought. Imagine Jared the douche, my guard dog?

Jason must have realized that Jared wasn't going to back down and that he was clearly at a disadvantage in a fight with him. Jared could probably kick the shit out of Jason without even breaking a sweat. Jason squeezed hard one last time and I felt my knees start to buckle when he dug his nails into the skin of my arm, but I held myself upright.

Son of a bitch that hurts; I thought to myself as I choked down a sob. I whimpered and Jared growled out loud this time and reached for my other arm. Jason released me and gave me a little push and with the combination of adrenaline, my heart rate and my natural clumsiness I tripped into Jared's arms. I collapsed into his arms and he wrapped his arms around me. I was sobbing quietly into his hoodie while I gripped his letterman jacket like he was going to disappear.

"This isn't over Kimmie," Jason sneered. "You will take me back."

I shook my head and buried my face deeper into Jared's chest and I felt his arms tighten around me. Douche bag or not I was going to soak up this feeling of comfort and safety like my life depended on it.

"Don't even fucking think about talking to Kim again or I will make sure the next person who knees you in your cherries lodges them up their permanently. Now that I think about it how about you don't even fucking look at her. Now get the fuck out of my sight before I change my mind and kill you now." Jared was shaking a little harder now and his voice sounded like he was growling while he talked.

I didn't know whether Jason left or was scared and left but I didn't care. All I knew was that I was crying and gripping Jared's letterman's jacket with all of my might. I could feel heat all around me and I knew it wasn't just the extra heat from his jacket. Jared was radiating heat; like a giant hot water bottle or electric blanket. It felt so good I buried myself further into his chest and he tightened his arms around me. He was still shaking a little and he rocked us back and forth to try to calm me down.

"Shhh, Kim its ok your safe," he whispered into my hair. I cried harder and shivered when I thought about what would have happened if Jared hadn't been there. I mean Jason had been acting like he was possessed or something. I don't know what had gotten into him but he was not the Jason I knew. He was scary.

When I had calmed down to hiccupping cries I realized that I was still buried in the warmth that was Jared. He wasn't shaking anymore so I guess he had taken the time that I had been bawling my eyes out to calm him-self down as well. Now that I was calmer I started to worry about why he was so warm. Nobody should be this hot. Yeah that had a double meaning but you know what I am talking about.

I heaved a huge sigh and stepped out of Jared's arms. I pulled my shirt down to smooth out the wrinkles and when I was satisfied I looked up at Jared's face. He really did look like he was sick. His skin was so pale and his eyes looked dull and sunken in with huge bags underneath them. Jared always looked like he stepped out of a magazine; and that is not my bias talking. And right now he looked the total opposite; he looked like he was a step away from the grave. It worried me; and I knew I shouldn't be but I still cared a great deal about him.

"Are," I coughed to clear my throat, "are you ok?"

His eyes widened and then his dark brown eyes turned black, "You're shitting me right?"

It was my turn for my eyes to widen and for my jaw to drop. What the hell is wrong with him? I was just being nice. I guess the douche bag was back. Just my luck that I get to see a glimpse of my Jared back only to get kicked back down by douche bag Jared.

"No I am not shitting you!" I screamed; my anger was starting to get the better of me. "You look like crap and I was just wondering if you were sick or something. Not to mention you are burning up. I think you are running a fever! But God forbid I be nice or even friendly to you!"

Jared growled and pulled at his hair. He was tugging so hard it looked like he was going to pull it out by the roots.

"So you're telling me that you just basically got attacked by your Ex and you are worried about me!? I mean you are already starting to bruise Kim! That dickhead grabbed you like you were some possession or something and you are worried about _**me**_?! Kim this self sacrificing bull shit is going to get you killed one day! You have got to stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself!"

As I stood there I could feel my face heating up and my hands clenched into fists. I took a deep breath and looked him directly in the eyes; willing my tears to stay at bay until my speech was over.

"Maybe I should. Maybe I should just become a selfish prick who ignores people and turns their back on their best friends. Maybe I should change who I am to fit into a group of people just so that others will like me. Maybe I should start cutting other people out of my life just because I need to look out for myself. Maybe I need to break every promise I ever made to the one person who was there for me every minute of every day since the day they were born. And maybe just maybe I need to give up the dream that one day that person will come around and realize that they have been a douche bag and have ripped out the heart of their onetime best friend. Go to hell Jared Thail; you have been selfish enough for both of us."

I was silently crying by the time my speech was done and I had just enough energy to give Jared one last look and see him with an astounded look on his face and his body was shaking so much his teeth were chattering and he started to blur.

I shook my head at him and turned to walk to my car. I heard him crash into the lockers and I turned around just in time to see him stumble on the ground and then turn and run out the emergency door and out into the dense La Push woods. This day couldn't get any weirder.

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><p>REVIEW! Thank you! I will try not to make it this long again between updates.<p> 


	5. Daddy's Girl

_Welcome back! This, I am happy to say, was a faster update! I am trying to get them out faster because I know you are waiting to read them. I really like this chapter. It is a filler chapter to get to the good stuff but it is coming I promise! Love ya'll!_

_I have a photobucket account with Pics of what I think my characters look like. I posted it on my Bio page. __I am welcome to the idea of a banner if anyone is creative! hehe Happy reading!_

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...but I do own a bunch of cupcake decorating crap that I never get to use...sad really

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><p><em><strong>But all you are is mean<br>All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life  
>And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean<strong>_

_**Mean, Taylor Swift**_

_September 17__th__, later in the day_

My drive home from school was; well it was weird. That is the only thing I can say about it. I silently cried the entire walk out of the school. I don't know what I was crying for; whether it was my lost childhood friendship or the fact that I had just basically been assaulted and threatened to be assaulted. At this point I didn't care I just wanted my Daddy.

I hurried into my car and locked the doors. I took a deep shaky breath and started the car and pulled out of the small La Push High parking lot. As I was driving home I felt a pang in my chest. It had started when I had turned around and saw Jared crash into the lockers. And it was growing into something that was making my chest ache. Like really bad heartburn after too many tamales. I shook my head and tried to not focus on my chest collapsing, and just focus on getting home to my dad.

I made it through the urban streets of La Push without freaking; but when I turned onto our country road leading to my suburb of La Push I could feel myself shaking.

I tried to concentrate on the road but my vision was starting to blur due to my erratic breathing. I rolled down the window to get some fresh air and the feeling of the cool fall air and the light mist that is always present in La Push helped my spotty vision. I had just about calmed down when I heard a wolf howl and then giant brown fur cross the country road in front of me. I slammed on my breaks to avoid hitting the animal. If my heart wasn't already beating a thousand miles an hour from my encounter with the douche bag than it would have jumped out of my chest at this near collision.

I lifted a shaky hand to my forehead and eased off of the gas and proceeded to slowly make my way toward my house. I probably looked ridiculous to my neighbors whose half a million dollar houses lined Canacut Drive; but I wasn't going to risk hitting another one of those wolves.

Was it a wolf? It had to be! I heard that howl right before the damn thing ran out in front of me! Yeah but that this was frickin huge! I mean it was the size of a horse, or maybe a cow or maybe I am hallucinating after my run in with Jason, or maybe it was a horse sized wolf? What the hell was wrong with me?! There are no such things as horse sized wolves!

When I pulled into my driveway I felt like I was hyperventilating. I took a couple of deep shaky breaths and tried to calm down so I could talk to my dad. I wasn't going to keep this from him. I know most girls would want to keep crap like this from their parents but my dad and I have a different kind of relationship. I have never lied to him; and I didn't plan on starting now. And more importantly I needed him to do something. I mean Jared told him off; but maybe Daddy could get him expelled or in jail or something.

I must have sat out in my car longer than I thought because I heard my name being called from the front porch of our house. I looked up and saw my dad standing there with an amused look on his face. I watched as his smile faded and his eyebrows furrow. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again as I scrambled to get my door open.

I basically fell out of my car and took off running to the porch and flew into my daddy's arms.

"Shhh, baby what is wrong? Tell me what happened," he murmured into my hair.

I sobbed harder into his chest and tightened my hold on his waist. I shook my head and cried harder.

"Shhh, ok…ok," he continued to rock me back and forth and rub my back. He let me cry till I was hiccupping and taking in shuddering breaths. When I felt like I could talk I reached a hand up to wipe at my now dry eyes. Dad kissed me on the forehead, and wrapping an arm around my shoulders he lead me to the porch swing. We sat down and I snuggled into his side.

"You gonna tell me what happened; or do I have to guess?"

I shook my head, chuckled a little and started picking at the threads on his sweater. My dad has this stupid habit of dressing like there is an ugliest sweater contest every day. I love his goofy sweaters and his need to wear mismatched socks with ugly moccasins.

I must have waited too long to answer because he cleared his throat, "Was it Jared again?"

I shook my head no again and buried my face further into his chest. Dad knew all about Jared and I's troubled friendship. He had even made excuses for me a couple times at the Thail's so I didn't have to suffer sitting through a dinner with him.

"If it's not Jared pumpkin…then who made you cry? I don't like seeing you that upset Kim; let me fix it."

"It was Jason," I whispered into his wooly ugly tan sweater.

"Who baby?"

I took a shuddering breath and sat up, "Jason."

My dad who still had his arm around me tightened his grip on my shoulder. He wasn't hurting me but he started freaking me out when he began growling.

"Kimberly Connweller you tell me what that boy did to you and don't leave out anything. If he hurt you I swear to god I am gonna castrate that fool." By this point Daddy was up off of the swing and he was pacing in front of me with his hands on his hips growling and mumbling under his breath. I couldn't hear everything he was saying but I was catching things like, "knew he was no good"and"full body cast."

"Daddy," I whispered. He didn't hear me. "Daddy," I said a little louder; still nothing. "DADDY!" When I shouted he came to a halt.

"I will tell you if you calm down."

"I promise I will try not to interrupt if I can, just tell me what happened." He was visibly shaking and tapping his foot and I felt bad for laying this on him but I knew it had to come out in the open.

I took a deep breath and relayed everything that happened in the hallway at school. By the time I was done his face was bright red and my dad was doing something I very rarely heard him do; cuss. He was muttering cuss words and death threats under his breath and I just sat on the swing silently crying; trying to forget about what just happened.

I heard a car door slam and I across our long porch to see David and Becca getting out of their Yukon. David looked up at our house and did a double take when he saw my dad pacing. He gave my dad a funny look and starting walking over to the porch. David was my dad's best friend and I knew he could tell something wasn't right.

"Charles, you ok?" he said tentatively.

Becca walked right up the steps, ignored her husband and my dad and made a beeline for me. She sat down on the swing and put her arm around me. Her loving touch made me start crying again and she shushed me and starting rubbing my hair as she held me. I laid my head on her shoulder and kept my eyes on my dad; he looked like he was about to self combust.

"David!" My dad shouted surprised someone else was on the porch. "NO, I am not _ok_! Kim was assaulted by that jackass ex-boyfriend of hers; and if it wasn't for Jared she could have been really hurt!"

I heard Becca gasp beside me and tighten her hold on me; but I couldn't look away from my dad and David. David's jaw dropped and his eyes widened as he looked from me to my dad.

"Charles, what happened?" I shivered at how menacing he sounded. I wonder if this is how he sounded in court. David is a prosecuting attorney and he was amazing at it; he had that look in his eyes that meant he was going to get whatever he needed out of someone. I had been on the receiving end of that look hundreds of times over the years as Jared and I tended to get into a lot of trouble. And I noticed Jared sounded a lot like that in the hallway when he was talking to Jason; weird.

"The bastard cornered her in an empty hallway and manhandled her! He basically said she was going to regret leaving him and that she should pay for kicking his balls back into his body! And that Jared just happened onto them and scared the little prick away; thank god for that! Who knows what could have happened to Kimmie if he hadn't of just shown up at the right time. And Kim said this boy looked like he was high! _**High**_ David! I will not tolerate drug usage at this school! The council has all worked too hard to keep that shit off the reservation and I'll be damned if these punk kids destroy it all."

"Mother fucker! What's this kid's name?" David shouted.

"David!" Becca scolded sounding scandalized that he would use such strong language in front of me. I rolled my eyes at her, wiping them so she didn't see.

"Sorry sweetheart but we have to get to the bottom of this. Kim did he hurt you in any way? Where is Jared?"

I sniffled and cleared my throat, "Um…yeah my arm hurts," I could hear both my dad and David growl. I chose to ignore them and answer the last question before the physical check; that I knew was coming, began. "And I don't know where Jared went. We kind of yelled at each other…and…and he got really mad and left."

"_Left?_ What do you mean he left?!" This time I was surprised it was Becca that sounded angry. I mean I knew that she was pissed because of her huffing and gasping during my dad's speech; but now she just sounded pissed.

I looked over at her confused as to why she would care that he left. "Um…we kinda said some things…" I wasn't going to tell them what we said; it just didn't feel right to tell them how big the canyon between us was. "And he just walked, well more like stumbled, out the hall doors and into the woods."

I felt my eyebrows scrunch as I looked past my dad and David to the Thail driveway and Jared's car was missing; weird. He should be home by now.

There was some more under their breath cussing and Becca stood up and got out her cell phone to call Jared I suspected. She huffed under her breath when he didn't answer and she started pacing. She called him three more times as my dad, David and I watched her pace like a crazy woman around the porch.

"David he isn't answering," she said with a shaky voice.

"Sweetheart he probably has his phone on silent. Let's just get Kim taken care of and then we can call again if he isn't home. I want to call Charlie Swan and see if we can't get…" He raised his eyebrow and looked at me for a name.

"Jason Miller," I whispered.

"Jason Miller," he growled out, "into jail for the night." He had both his hands on her cheeks as she sighed and nodded her head. I could tell she wasn't happy with this arrangement but would have to deal with it. Becca is what I like to call the mama bear of mama bears. She would steal, kill, and destroy for her kids. I was jealous and grateful that she included me in her children.

She set her shoulders and turned to me, "Ok sweetheart, let's go inside and make some tea while these papa bears call in the troops." I nodded and stood up to follow her into the house.

The rest of that night was filled with pictures and full statements. Chief Swan was a good guy; weird but good. He just didn't seem like much of a people person to be a police chief but at the same time he made me feel comfortable. He talked about his daughter Bella. Apparently she was in some kind of fight with her boyfriend or something. I really wasn't paying much attention.

My dad called the principle of the school, which was a good friend to dad and David, and had him bring down the camera footage from earlier. I didn't know they filmed us at school but I was glad now that they did.

I refused to watch the footage but I could tell the guys were pissed. Even Chief Swan growled and mumbled under his breath and mustache.

I saw a look of confusion pass over my dad and David towards the end. I didn't care too much to worry about it; but I did see David and my dad share a nod of understanding and then David got on his phone to call someone named Sam. The whole this was weird and I was tired so I asked if I was needed anymore and when I was told no I mumbled thanks to everyone and drug myself up the stairs to my room.

I didn't sleep that well that night. I tossed and turned until my dad finally came upstairs with my old battered tape player. He plugged it in next to my bed and pushed play.

I heard static then my Mom's wonderful Irish accent saying, "Check, check one. Stop it Charles!" she giggled. "I can't record if you are standing there laughing at me!" I smiled and felt the bed dip next to me and I rolled over to see my dad scoot up to lean his back against my head board. I felt a tear run down my cheek as he started working his hand through my hair.

"Ok here goes, One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish," I heard my dad sigh as I closed my eyes and let my mother's soothing voice wash over me as she read the lines from Doctor Seuss.

LINE

Everything just continued to get weirder from that day on. Jason wasn't at school anymore. Dad told me Charlie picked him up in Forks walking along the road higher than a kite. He spent the night in jail and then was expelled from school for the rest of the semester for what he did to me. I was glad he wasn't going to be at school anymore but that didn't make me any less cautious. Dad bought me a can of pepper spray and I was still trying to talk him into a firearm. He wasn't budging on that one.

Jared didn't come back to school the next day and after the third day of not seeing him I gathered up the courage to ask Heidi where he was. She just shrugged her shoulders and said that he was sick or something and never came out of his room. She said she hadn't seen him since the day of the douche bag.

That is what Tia had taken to calling it. To say that my friends were pissed off was the understatement of the year. She walked around with a baseball bat for a day and I believe it is still in her locker. She won't let me go anywhere without her. And while it was endearing for the first couple hours; when she stood outside the stall in the bathroom I drew the line.

Mia started cursing everyone in Elfish and was writing a song about what she called crazy bastards. She was perhaps the most un-vicious of us all but she managed to pull off the angry kitten look pretty well.

Hailee and Heidi were the most shocking to me. After I told the band my story in the garage Heidi looked over at Hailee and nodded and Hailee nodded back. Tia was throwing drumsticks at this point but Heidi and Hailee just picked up random drumsticks and calmly walked out the door. I followed them outside and demanded to know what they were doing. Hailee calmly shrugged her shoulders and said they were going to kill Jason. Tia had screamed, 'Hell Ya!' in the background and Mia and I had to defuse a possible lynch mobbing.

After a while I fell into a routine. Get up, go to school, go home, and practice with band, homework, shower, sleep and repeat. It wasn't until about a month after the day of the douche while sitting in TV Studio class I realized that Jared still hadn't come back to school.

What the hell kind of funk have I been living in where I didn't even realize the object of my hate and desire was missing?!

Man, Jason really did a number on my spatial reality. I mean I have total recall of band practices. In fact I think we have been doing even better since the DOTD. I can't believe that I would have forgotten about Jared; I mean he must be fine because Heidi hasn't acted different or said anything.

_Like she would anyway weirdo! She knows you don't like talking about him. _

The more I think about Jared being gone the more I realize my chest hurts; and has been hurting for a while. I rub the area over my heart and think about how long I have had this heart burn like pain in my chest. I guess I really have been distracted if I have been in pain and didn't even realize it.

My thought process was interrupted by the bell ringing. I quickly put away my camera and crap and hurried out into the busy hallway. After that day I won't be alone in the hallway. I will even hold it all through class if I have to pee just because I don't want to be alone in the halls. I know Jason isn't at school anymore and that it is an irrational fear but I can't help it.

"KIM!" I smile and push through the crowd to see my friends and band mates standing at my locker. They have balloons and streamers covering my locker and I roll my eyes and giggle. They are all wearing party hats and those annoying party blowers in their mouths.

I laugh out loud and giggle at all the people staring in the hallway as my weirdo friends start to sing.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" Tia, Mia, and Hailee are singing at the top of their lungs and swaying.

"TOMORROW!" Heidi shouts from the end.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"TOMORROW!"

"HAPPY BIRHTDAY DEAR KIMMIE…..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"TOMORROW!"

By the time they are done they are full on dancing and I just have to join them. I clap my hands and join along with our impromptu dance session in the hallway. I know you are probably wondering why they are singing to me already, since they will see me tomorrow at school.

Well it all started when Tia and Mia and I became friends and the girls hated only having a couple hours at school to celebrate their birthday so we decided to start at the end of the day, the day before your birthday and continue it through the next day. And at the end of the day on your birthday you take down the decorations and your party is over. It is a genius way to milk your birthday for all it is worth.

And I loved the idea since I hate my birthday. It is a pretty sucky day for me and this end of school tradition gives me a little while to celebrate without wallowing in self pity and crying most of the day. I don't want to celebrate my birthday if it means I have to remember that I am the reason my mom can't be here to bake me a cake and kiss me good morning.

I try not to think about the negative now and finish our dance session. I am determined to put all the crap that comes with my birthday out of my mind for now.

Right now I was going to enjoy my crazy friends, right now I was going to dance and sing and be happy for once in what felt like a long time. Tomorrow was going to suck and nothing could change that; but today was gonna be great.

I wish I had known then the shit storm that was going to happen. A little warning would have been nice.

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><p>REVIEW! Please it makes me happy and I will update faster! Love ya'll!<p> 


	6. Panic Attacks Suck

I am gonna try to update at least once a week for as long as I can. I am really enjoying writing this story and it is just flowing! The next chapter will be Jareds POV! Gonna get into the mind of our favorite wolfie! Love ya'll!

_I have a photobucket account with Pics of what I think my characters look like. I posted it on my Bio page. __I am welcome to the idea of a banner if anyone is creative! hehe Happy reading!_

**_DISCLAIMER: _**I don't own Twilight or its characters...*tear*...but I do own a preschool with about 5 kids and my own 3. Life is crazy but I love it!

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><p><em><strong>The way you move is like a full on rainstorm<br>And I'm a house of cards  
>You're the kind of reckless<br>That should send me runnin'  
>But I kinda know that I won't get far<br>And you stood there in front of me  
>Just close enough to touch<br>Close enough to hope you couldn't see  
>What I was thinking of<strong>_

_**Sparks Fly, Taylor Swift**_

_October 16__th_

I can't believe I am 18. I mean I understand that I have been progressively getting older since the day I was born; but it still seems unreal that I am 18. I know I am 18 but it just doesn't seem like it to me. I guess I am in denial. But then again this day has sucked for a while now so I guess I will just go with my depressing aging thoughts.

I close my eyes and try to forget the depressing fact that today is also the day Mom died. I sit up and breathe a sigh when I see two little hot pink wrapped boxes on the trunk at the end of my bed. I pull in a deep breath and remind myself that this day isn't just about me; that Dad was gonna be walking around pretending to be happy about my birthday. And as much as I would love to be selfish and just focus on finally turning 18, I can't. My Dad is going to be hurting and even though I never met her, I will be too.

I crawl down to the end of my bed and pick up my birthday present boxes and get comfortable. I run my finger over the white ribbon and snort when I see the professional wrapping. Dad didn't think I knew he was a horrible give wrapper, but I was well aware he had Becca wrap my presents. His personally wrapped presents and they tended to be wrapped in old sketches and architectural journals; not the elegant pink sparkle paper with white ribbon.

Even today, on the best and worst day of his life he still managed to think of me. I wipe a stray tear from my cheek and say a prayer for my dad. I knew right now he was with Mom. Every year he goes to the graveyard and cleans everything up, brings her new flowers and sits with her for the morning. He thinks it is this big secret and that I don't know, but I don't mind. He needs his time with her; and I go after school.

There is no card on my presents but that is usual. Dad likes to give me my card before I go to bed at night; and it is tradition so I roll with it. He tends to make these elabarate oragomi cards that I have to spend years unfolding. When I turned 10 he made one so hard I gave up and never finished unfolding the damn thing. I have noticed he has been locked in his office more than usual lately and I roll my eyes when I think about this year's creation.

I open the first present and find a new iPhone. I hear myself squeal and I kick my socked feet in the air and flop back on my back. I have been begging Daddy for one of these since I realized they were making a new one. I am curious to find out what is in the second box so I sit up and grab for the box ripping the paper in a hurry. Inside I find a new hot pink Otter box and a hundred dollar iTunes card. I start dancing on my bed but I am still sitting down so I do a butt bounce wiggle.

I get up and kiss the picture of my mom that sits on my bedside table. I feel lighter for some reason and I would like to think that my mom might have something to do with that. Maybe she would help me have a good day; maybe this was going to be the year my birthday bad luck stopped.

Determined to have a good day I hurry through my shower and put on the outfit I picked out the night before; black sweat pants, ratty ballerina flats, and a hot pink hoodie with my hair piled on top of my head in a messy bun and no makeup. The girls and I have a dress comfortable rule on our birthdays. We all wear sweats and come to school and just enjoy the day. Not to mention it has become tradition for the girls not celebrating their birthday to bring nothing but junk food to eat for the day; and stretchy pants are a must.

I grab a Pop Tart as I leave for the day; making sure to leave a thank you note for dad and promise to have greasy pizza with him tonight.

By the time I get to school I am feeling pretty good that today is going to be a good day. I am bound and determined that I am not going to let anything get to me today. I grab my bag and walk towards school. It isn't raining today, which is rare, so I skip into the open door to La Push High. I continue my skipping all the way down the main hall till I make the right turn to the hall with my locker. I skid to a halt when I see who is sitting on the floor in front of my locker.

There, sitting in front of my locker are the four best girlfriends anyone could ask for. I shake my head when I get a good look at all of them. They have always shown their personalities and they can't hide it even in sweats.

Tia still manages to make a rebellious statement, even in sweatpants. Tia is sitting there with her legs crossed painting her nails black. She is wearing lime green sweatpants that look like they are two sizes too big and they are rolled at the waist. She paired it with a neon purple hoodie and her neon pink Vans. Her hair is in lopsided pig-tales and I can see half of the word Juicy written on her booty.

I look over and Mia is sitting right next to her in with her composition notebook in her hand. She is probably working on a new song. She is wearing what could only be described as preppy sweats. She is wearing brown sweatpants with Wolves, our school mascot, written down the side and a form fitting white zip up hoodie and white K-Swiss tennis shoes. I roll my eyes when I see her hair in two perfectly curled low pig-tales and she is wearing mascara. I am gonna so tease her later.

Heidi on the other hand looks like a 10 year old sitting on the floor reading a science book. She has her glasses on and her hair in high messy pig-tales and pink sweats with a matching pink hoodie and black and white polka dot ankle rain boots. But the kicker is the giant pink flower sitting on the top of her head; weirdo.

I am so glad someone filled Hailee in cause she is leaning back against my locker and looks like she is still asleep. She is wearing red Marine Corps sweatpants and a black Devil Dog oversized hoodie and black Converse. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a low one sided messy bun. She is rocking the no make-up, but as I get closer I can see she has a huge face tattoo on.

I walk silently up to the group and giggle when I get close enough to read, 'Kill and Eat.'

"What is with the tat, Hailee?" I ask still giggling. She jolts awake and touches her face.

"Oh my demon seed little brothers did this in my sleep and I can't get it off! My mom had a coronary and starting scrubbin' my face with a Scotch pad! Can you frickin believe that?! A damn Scotch pad! Anyway, Dad thought it was hilarious; so frick and frack got away with it. It should come off in a week or so; but I am still pissed to have my gourgous face all marked up!"

I am laughing so hard by this point I have fallen on the floor next to her and I can hear the other girls giggling in the background.

"It really does look like a set of directions from like Alice and Wonderland or something," Tia says with a snort as she caps her polish and begins blowing on her nails. "I mean if I kill and eat you, will I shrink or grow taller?"

"Oh shut up! The boys are trying to get back at my mom for her recent disapproval of meat. And I was their rebellious canvas this time. Needless to say I am barin' and chainin' my door every night before I go to sleep."

This only serves to make me laugh harder and when the bell rings I can hardly get up off the floor.

Mia helps me up and we follow Tia as jog to our first class of the day; barely getting inside the door before the tardy bell. Our teacher rolls her eyes at the way we are dressed, but she is used to it by now. In our small school we have had all the teachers multiple times and she has seen our birthday entire many times since Sophomore year.

The day is amazing and wonderful and just perfect during my first two classes. Tia and Mia are in those classes with me and they help me break the no food in class rule in both classes with gummy worms in first hour and giant chewy sweet tarts in second hour.

I am so wrapped up in actually enjoying my birthday for once that I fail to hear the gossip of the day. I have been watching my classmates whisper and talk amonst themselves but I haven't given it much thought. And I wish I would have; it would have prepared me for what was going to happen in 3rd hour History.

After second hour I skip back to my locker and grab my History book. It doesn't even cross my mind whether Jared is going to be in class or not. He hasn't been there in like a month so I guess I have just come to expect that he isn't going to be there. I whistle while I head to class and wave by to Mia across the hall and she gives me a nervous look and chews on her lip. I give her a confused look back and slowly walk into my classroom and find my seat.

I lean back in my chair and cross my ankles in front of me and sit picking at my textbook trying to figure out why Mia looked nervous. Maybe she liked someone in her class and was nervous about being alone in there? No, that can't be right; Mia has a strict no dating till college policy. Well, unless they are college guys already, then it's all beats off. Maybe she is nervous for the concert? No, that can't be right either. She doesn't get nervous.

I am sitting there in my own world of answerless questions when my new phone buzzes. I quirk an eyebrow and sit up to try and hide my phone under my desk to check my message; it is from Tia and it makes my heart stop. I can feel my breathing get shallow and my hand start shaking.

I stare down at the short message and I know I am screwed. _**He's back…**_

I feel my stomach drop into my feet and I can feel all that damn candy start to churn in my gut, threatening to come back up. Why today of all days does this shit have to happen? So much for my one great birthday; so much for breaking the curse, I knew it was too good to be true. My hands are shaking so bad at this point I have to put my phone back into my hoodie pocket in order to keep my sweaty hands from dropping it.

When I feel the inside of my hoodie pocket I realize how I am dressed and I can't hold back the grown that escapes. Yep, its official, the universe is out to get me! He just had to come back on the day, the ONE day I dress like crap. Not that I give a shit what he thinks about how I look; but you know, I don't exactly want to look horrible the first time he sees me.

I huff, sink further into my chair and roll my eyes at how shallow my inner voice is. He hasn't exactly acted like he cared how I dressed and the last time we spoke we were screaming at each other. The tardy bell rings and I close my eyes and say a prayer that Tia is wrong.

I listen really closely for any noise coming from the area of his desk, and I get nothing. He isn't here yet; so maybe she was mistaken. Just as I get the courage to maybe open my eyes I hear the desk next to mine rattle.

Damn, damn, damn, double damn, triple damn, damn damn. And because I am a freaking martyr I open my eyes and peek at him; that doesn't go as I planned.

I start by trying to look at him out of the corner of my eye. I am curious; sue me! The bastard has been gone for over a month I have a right to be friggin curious. Not to mention I was told by Heidi that he was sick or something. Needless to say my overactive imagination is prone to think he has got to of lost weight or grown horns or something. I am shocked to realize that what I see out of the corner of my eye is not what I expected.

My first glimpse of him tells me that he has defiantly changed; but not in a way I could have ever dreamed. Instead of looking like he has been 'sick' for a month he looks like he has been to some kind of body builder training camp.

His legs get my attention first and I turn my head slightly in shock. Jared has always been tall but now he is huge. He barely fits under his desk and his long legs, which used to stick out in front of his desk top, now cause his knees to stick out about two feet in front of the end of the desk.

I could feel my eyebrows scrunch at the thought of him growing a good two feet in a month. It didn't make sense. How can someone grow that fast? My curiosity got the better of me and I continued my, not so subtle evaluation.

I could feel my eyebrows getting further scrunched and my jaw clenching as I turned my head completely and got a good look at Jared.

He was sitting at his desk, as best he could with his new body. And that is the best way I could describe it. It looked like he hijacked a Mr. Universe participant and switched bodies with them. He was hunched over the desk top with his forearms flat on the desk top and his fists clenched. I could see his chest moving slowly in and out; almost like he was taking long slow deep breaths. His forearms and biceps were rippling under his long sleeved shirt.

I quirked my head to the side when I really looked at what he was wearing. He was in jeans and a long sleeved shirt that was pushed up to his elbows and looked like it was painted on him. His boots were new and looked like they had never been worn before. Jared had always been really stylish; but now he looked like he had to just wear what fit him. And he didn't look like himself.

When I finally got to his face I felt my jaw unclench and my face relax and tears well up in my eyes. For as much as I wasn't _Team Jared_ right now; I never wanted to ever see the tortured look that was currently on his face.

His once beautiful shaggy hair was cut, really short. It was barely an inch long. I could see a vein on the side of his head that looked like it was two seconds from rupture. His eyes were clamped shut and I could see his nostrils faring with each deep breath he took.

He looked so sad and miserable. The heartburn type feeling that I have been feeling since our hallway encounter started to morph into this ache that I caused me to rub my fist into. I felt the need to reach out to him and give him a hug or just a friendly pat on the arm or something. He looked so horrible that if I wasn't best friends with Heidi I would have thought his Granddad died or one of his parents. I could feel tears spilling down my cheek as shear sadness overwhelmed me.

What happened to him?

I tried to pry my eyes from him but I just couldn't make myself. My breath hitched and Jared's head snapped up and he locked eyes with me.

I felt my entire lung capacity full of air leave my body in a couple seconds. And that ever present ache that had been my companion for the last month or so slowly dissipate into relief and contentment.

At first his eyes were hard and he looked at me like I was some kind of evil person who needed to be destroyed. Are eyes locked and I watched as his pupils dilated and his eyes widened. A visible shiver started at the top of his head and worked its way down his body. I sat there watching his eyebrows, his cheeks, his jaw, his shoulders, his arms, his hands, his back, and finally his legs and feet relax. It looked almost like an invisible bucket of relax elixir was poured over his head and he just melted under its power.

After he had relaxed fully a slow amazed smile worked its way onto his beautiful face. He smiled at me and I felt the room start to spin. At first I would have attributed this to his wonderful panty melting smile; but I started to see spots float around in my eyes and realized I wasn't breathing. I must have looked really pale or something because the smile left Jared's face and he snapped his desktop off of the connecting chair when he stood up and moved to kneel down next to my chair.

I saw anxiety on his face but it wasn't the same type of stress that he was going through before. I still hadn't taken a breath and I could see Jared start panicking; he raised two shaking hands to my face and his movement snapped me out of my funk and I took a deep breath. My first staggering breaths lead to faster breaths that weren't doing anything for me. I could feel myself sucking in air but I wasn't getting that sweet relief that comes with the intake of oxygen. If anything it was beginning to hurt to breath and I felt like I was drowning on dry land.

"Kim," Jared whispered. "Slow down you can't breathe that fast you are gonna hyperventilate and pass out." His pained face was still towering over mine even though he was squatting next to my desk. He had one hand on the back of my chair and the other held out like he wanted to smooth down my hair or touch my face but he was too scared to touch me without my permission.

I felt myself panic even more. Why did I want him to touch me so bad? Why was he acting like this? Why is he being so nice to me? What the hell just happened? And why the HELL do I feel the need to jump into his arms and stay there for a month? I shook my head at him and tried to slow my breathing down but it wasn't working. I don't know what the hell was wrong with me. I was not the type of girl who fainted or had drama induced panic attacks. But right now I was freaking the frick out and just wanted to breath!

Well this day has gone to hell in a hand basket real quick! My breathing was beginning to get out of control and I felt like I was gasping for every drop of precious oxygen but I wasn't getting any. I reached my hands out to grip my desk to try to gain leverage or something to get a breath but that wasn't working. I could feel my head getting lighter and the room started spinning faster than it was before.

I turned my head and looked at Jared and he must have seen my panic because I heard him growl and I felt my eyes widen as he stood up and yelled at our teacher, "Mr. Gage I am taking Kim to the nurse."

He left no room for argument as he flung the empty desk in front of me across the room and he stepped to the left side of my desk. He looked at me for a split second like he was debating what he was going to do and then he just reached down and scooped me into his arms. I managed to force out a raspy scream and my arms flew around his neck of their own accord. He cradled my body to his like I was made of paper machete and I was going to fall apart. He must have started moving because I heard a door slam but with the way he was holding me I couldn't feel his movements.

He put his nose into my hair and took a deep breath and I could have swore I heard him say, "Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you."

I started shaking my head as tears of anger spilled down my face. He can't be really saying that. My messed up oxygen deprived brain is now hallucinating. GREAT, not only do I have a panic attack from just seeing him but now I am creating a kinder loving Jared in my mind to appease my panicking mind. Not to mention, how big of a reject am I that I have a panic attack the day Jared comes back to school? God I am a loser. This is gonna be all over school in a matter of minutes.

I felt Jared kiss me on the forehead again and whisper something else into my hair; and this time I decided that if I was gonna hallucinate this I was going to freakin enjoy it! His warmth and loving arms felt so amazing I just buried my nose into his neck. He lifted me higher into his arms and I tightened my hold on his neck. .

My stressing over shit wasn't helping my panic. I could hear Jared trying to shush me and tell me to slow down my breathing, but I was way past the point of self help and I could see the spots behind my eyes getting bigger. I felt myself get light headed and I open my eyes only to see the hallway Jared is moving down spinning; I tried to stay conscious but I couldn't any longer.

I looked up one last time into Jared's eyes only to see his eyes widen in panic and then the world went black.

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><p>Please review! I didn't get as many with the last chapter and I love knowing what you guys think! Thanks!<p> 


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